I had forgotten how good it feels to be in Walden: the power in my arms as I pull through the waves. Yet I do not realize the fullness of this until I have swum the length of the pond. Starting out along the shore to the right of the main beach I am immediately absorbed in the rhythm of my breath; pulling air in and releasing it into bubbles; in my body as it rolls left to right; and my arms, the slight pause as I bring my elbow up to the sky and the way I have learnt to allow my hand, once it reaches the water surface, to float down a foot or so until I begin to pull it back toward my side.
Feeling this I realize how much my life has drifted away from any rhythm, how far I have drifted away from anything wholesome. Living in perpetual panic while I finalize the movement of my physical possessions into a storage facility: what to keep, what to let go of; how to organize those treasures in order that I may locate them; a photo, a journal, a lamp that might light my way as I decide next where home will be…
I gradually drift a little further away from the shore. A little further into deeper water, seeing nothing when I gaze into it, only the endless potential of green. I focus on the rhythm my body has found when I swim. On my feet; they are cold… and so are my hands. I am glad for the warm day. The water is around 60 degrees while the air is in the high 70’s. Every time thoughts of boxes and packing enter the doorway of my mind I focus harder on the rhythm of my body, letting the breath conduct it as if my body is an orchestra. I make a wide slow turn at the bottom end of the pond. Suddenly the water is stirred up by a breeze I hadn’t even notice existed so now my face is rising to meet a swell which butts at my forehead. I had forgotten how much I needed this, this reminder of my strength, which for weeks now has been sapped by migraines and stress. I start reciting to myself “I don’t need these migraines. I don’t need these migraines” alternately with a request to Jesi (Spirit I am told can help us with anything, but we have to ask) to take them away.
But it isn’t just this: the feeling of power in my body to surge through the waves makes me feel positive about everything. Instead of feeling weighed down by the process of moving I suddenly feel I can tackle it. I can mange, no matter how challenging it is to let go of the memories and the space and the physical possessions which mark a life I lived when I had three children on earth, before Jesi went to Spirit.
So by the time I reach the main beach and rise up out of the water I have more energy than I did before I started… and I know I am now fully back and feeling good for it.