When I looked out the window after two days of rain and saw the bare limbs of trees stitched into sky blue cloth I immediately thought of Walden. After my last swim three days earlier, (Tuesday 11/10) despite feeling the cold in my bones, I did not feel my sojourns in Walden were over for the season.
I remembered how the cold had choked my ribs and spine and how my thoughts entered another space; how I was suddenly conscious of being wedged between the dense green muck of water and the bland mass of grey towering over me, water pressing into me and the sky bearing down on me, peering through a world I didn’t understand.
It was then I wondered if I was still looking for Jesi, trying to understand where she had disappeared to, trying to understand the world she now inhabited….
Ever since the reading I attended with spirit medium James Van Praagh and I learnt that Jesi swims with me I have more than ever wanted to be in Walden, despite the decreasing temperature. When I wade into the water and stand knee deep before plunging in, I look up into the empty space of heaven and think of her.
Of course, this is not the only time I think of her, but somehow the connection I have with Jesi in Walden is mine and mine alone, and my sense of her intensifies as the cold infiltrates my bones.
When I am swimming I know she is somehow there with me; in the mirror-like stillness of one swim, in the turbulent and fractured thrashing of water during another, how feeling her as I swim weaves her into my body, the rhythm of my breath as ceaseless as the days without her. I think of how she surrendered to her illness, how she had to. And I surrender myself to the wind and the waves, being held, being tossed and being dropped until I am held again. Learning to let go, just as we all must.
dear readers…..i apologize for taking so long to post this work depicting my swimming experiences from last week (ending on 11/13) …. as life has it, when i left the pond on Friday i did not think the season for me had ended….i did not know how to have it end, given the connection i feel to my sweet Jesi while wrapped inside my mind in the wonder filled waters.
However, being out of town over the weekend and coming home with a horrendous migraine, i am afraid my cold water swimming is over for the year…
I will endeavor to bring you the Wonders of Walden throughout the winter months in my sojourns around the pond when i love to walk and photograph all that Walden has to offer from its shores.