Bringing up a seventeen year old
who has lost half her self
and now spends her birthday alone
for the first time


Considering herself almost adult
but still a child


How do I manage the needs
of adult
of child
of loss and grief?

Sometimes I crave the guidance
her angel sister twin might provide
Not the daughter sister
but the angel
who was herself a child
An adult
too early


Bearing the torment of disease
Too far before her time should be

How can I do this?
This mothering
This negotiating
with my adult child


How can I think what is right?
To nourish to support her
in her loss


How can I even think?
When the grief of a mother
bearing children
two on one day
and only now one present to grieve


How can I?


But by coming to Walden
and walking
silent in the snowy air
to find the place my other child adult angel has gone into


To let the soft flakes of nothingness
drift onto my face
and in my hair



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