Respite

Bringing up a seventeen year old
who has lost half her self
and now spends her birthday alone
for the first time

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Considering herself almost adult
but still a child

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How do I manage the needs
of adult
of child
of loss and grief?

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Sometimes I crave the guidance
her angel sister twin might provide
Not the daughter sister
but the angel
who was herself a child
An adult
too early

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Bearing the torment of disease
Too far before her time should be

How can I do this?
This mothering
This negotiating
with my adult child

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How can I think what is right?
To nourish to support her
in her loss

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How can I even think?
When the grief of a mother
bearing children
two on one day
and only now one present to grieve

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How can I?

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But by coming to Walden
and walking
silent in the snowy air
to find the place my other child adult angel has gone into

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To let the soft flakes of nothingness
drift onto my face
and in my hair

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