Lost in Walden

I stood blown back to shore and even before I had suited up, lost in grief

My sister and niece who accompanied me yesterday have gone…..they are only half a world away…..still in flight to the great land in the southern hemisphere….
and I am alone…..
I wonder if they feel her up there, closer to the clouds, the sun which lights the only path I have to her now…

I am talking of Jesi….who will be forever 16 in my mind…..etched in the grief of loss as if I am watching life slip away from my child again and again…
Love and loss

By the time I am half way down the flank of Walden the wind is making battle with the waves, and the waves with me….and I am crying out to her, Jesi, the wind…..How will i ever get over losing you?
I am engulfed in tears in Walden, swallowing them and the swell as it swallows me
…Then I am sorry…Sorry I am not strong, not seeing light, not feeling her here with me today

She watched over us, her family, even as we were watching over her, lost in leukemia that ultimately grew her and found her strength before it made her body so weak, so broken, we had to let her go

I swim on…..fevered by my tears….and think of her in the heavens…
She is sun and she is light, shining down. The gentle beams of translucent white merging with my tears… reminding me she is free

Mandy (white cap) and Kadi (blue goggles) with me after our swim

Mandy (white cap) and Kadi (blue goggles) with me after our swim

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